Dear
Honestly, I’m not in the mood of crying or even feeling sad. I just
wanted to write this. But I admit that I’ve been doing that since I knew all
this good time will be over pretty soon. I don’t know why. But I’ve never
thought that the thing would turn to be this ridiculous… and painful for me. I keep
telling myself, it shouldn’t be this much matter.
I’ve never thought I would know you more, in the first time I
saw you. At that time I was just amazed because you are a tall guy and I always
like it. That's all. Well, you have a sweet warm smile. Never thought that later, that warm
smile is able to burn me down. Say I’m hyperbolic, yes, you taught me well to
be so! See? It works!
I’ve never thought or expected to know you further, but then
when our chapter is almost done, it’s driving me crazy, cry me a river! I was
thinking that I would just stay for a while here, in your country. I didn’t
think about being attached to anyone, anything - anyhow. That’s why! Oh well, I
guess I’m still human. As the time goes by, I realized that I was failed. I’m just
naïve. I keep ensuring myself and my brain that I was still the same; the strong
woman who always liked the wrong guys and then disappointing parents, so I need
to be careful not to repeat the same hell. Whenever I ensured myself, I never
took my heart with me because I know it was already a rebel in the very beginning.
My brain told me something that my heart would disagree about. Oh well!
I thought I would never forget my past. About letting go
something that I really wanted. And then I met you last year. Now, I want to
thank you for making me willing to finish my old plate. Maybe you didn’t realize
it, that you made me realize that this world is really big. I won’t die just
because of the stupid broken heart thing. I can feel the fresh air and breathe
with freedom later. But now, “this thing” almost kill me. But since we know,
almost is never enough, then here I am. Just dying. “This thing” refers to the
time that we spent together so far. You may think I’m weird and ridiculous, but
I count every step that you take when you walk away. Because you taught me how
to live! I still remember who I was. The super overthinking Indonesian tiny
girl! I don’t blame my culture just because I grew there – even if sometimes I do.
You taught me how to enjoy my life as the real me. Not living the hell life of
pleasing everyone. You taught me to be honest, but I don’t know how to be
honest about what I feel when it comes to the feeling about you!
For me, it’s sad to have the earlier goodbye. I will leave
in two months and you will even leave first. I can’t take it! This is unfair!
How can I feel sad about this? Is it because you are my every thing? I feel you
are just like my annoying brother, sometimes you are just my enemy and I hate
you, the other day you are the best friend I can have to do the ridiculous
things, you are like father sometimes when you give me that calming eyes and
comfort my crazy messy world, then you are like a cranky grandfather who being
silly many times, or yeah, sometimes like a little kid. You may never know but
once you step out from my world, you make me lost several best ones I can
have! I know this big planet is not even our final place. And I know that we
can’t stay forever in one place. Life gets us keep moving. Goodbye is my best friend
since I grew up as a big girl and moved into many places. But this one that I will
have with you, really really annoys me! I hate it but I have to take it. I have
nothing to do. You have your dreams and you have to make it, me either. I wish
you know that you are one of the best things I can have in my life. Thank God, I
met you. It’s been nice.
:""""
Your ridiculous Zebra.
